The improv guide to better listening

You've been there. A meeting where no one's actually listening—just waiting for their turn to speak. Or worse, crafting a brilliant rebuttal while someone else is still talking.

That's not communication. That's parallel monologue with a side of ego.

In improv, we learn pretty damn quickly that listening is everything. Miss a cue, ignore your partner, and the whole scene crumbles. The same is true in teams, in sales, in leadership.

Want to connect better, build trust faster, and make people feel truly heard? You've got to learn how to really listen.

Listening is a Full-Body Sport

In my book TAKE IT EASY™, I say: "The only real thing you have in a scene is the onstage connection between you and your partner."

That goes for real life too.

Real listening is physical. It's eye contact. It's leaning in. It's nodding, pausing, reacting in real time. If your body says "I'm elsewhere," your words don't stand a chance.

I remember watching a leadership team at Google engage in what looked like listening—nodding, taking notes—but their shoulders were turned away from each other, phones in hand beneath the table. The conversation felt hollow because physically, they weren't there.

Coaching insight: Want to make someone feel deeply heard? Mirror their energy, not just their words. If they lean forward with excitement, match it. If they slow down to think, give them space. Your body often communicates more than your words ever will.

Don't Just Nod—Notice

We often think we're listening because we hear the words. But listening isn't hearing—it's absorbing. Noticing tone, subtext, body language.

In improv: "He said he's fine," but his fists are clenched and he's staring at the floor. In business: "We're excited about this initiative," she says—while glancing at the exit and clutching her coffee like a lifeline.

Your job as a communicator: Notice what's not being said.

I worked with a team leader who constantly told me they had "great team alignment" while in the same breath describing weekly conflicts. The words and the reality were mismatched. Only by noticing this pattern could we address the real issues.

Like, come on. If you're telling me about "alignment" while also telling me about three team members who won't speak to each other... well, something doesn't add up, does it?

Respond, Don't Reload

Most people respond with pre-loaded thoughts. Improvisers respond with presence.

I see this in coaching sessions all the time. Someone will ask a question, and while I'm answering, I can literally see them mentally drafting their next question—not absorbing my response at all.

Try this simple reframe: Instead of planning your next point, try saying:

"That's interesting—tell me more." "How did you come to that conclusion?" "What part of this matters most to you?"

These aren't just polite responses. They're superpowers. They unlock deeper conversation and signal that you're fully engaged with what's being shared, not just waiting for your turn.

Slower = Deeper

If someone finishes speaking and you jump right in, they don't feel heard. You might be brilliant—but it'll feel like steamrolling.

Improv rule: Allow space between lines. Let things land.

Business parallel: Let silence do some heavy lifting. After a colleague shares something significant, wait three seconds. Then speak.

It might feel awkward. But it communicates: "I'm processing. You matter." That space is where genuine connection happens.

I coached an executive who was constantly interrupting his team. We practiced the three-second rule, and within weeks, his team reported feeling more valued and engaged. The quality of their discussions improved dramatically—all from adding a few moments of silence.

Three seconds. That's it. Just count in your head: one-one-thousand, two-one-thousand, three-one-thousand. Try not to spontaneously combust from the discomfort.

Listening Builds Trust. Period.

Here's the thing: people don't remember what you said. They remember how you made them feel.

Listening well builds safety. It builds trust. And it shows leadership.

As a communication coach, I see this daily: people don't need a script. They need a connection. Listening is where that starts.

Two Exercises to Strengthen Your Listening Muscle

1. The Three-Turn Challenge In your next conversation, commit to asking three follow-up questions before sharing your own perspective. Each question should directly build on what you just heard. Notice how this deepens the conversation and creates genuine connection.

2. The Reflection Practice After an important meeting or conversation, take two minutes to write down what you heard—not just the content, but the emotional subtext. What were the underlying concerns or aspirations? Then ask yourself: How would the other person know I truly heard them?

Be honest with yourself here. Not "what would make me look good?" but "what actually happened?"

The Listener's Toolkit: Key Takeaways

• Make listening physical: Engage with your whole body, not just your ears

• Notice the unspoken: Pay attention to tone, subtext, and body language

• Respond, don't reload: Ask genuine follow-up questions instead of preparing your next point

• Create space with silence: Allow 3 seconds after someone speaks before responding

• Practice daily: Choose one conversation today to practice deep listening

Remember, listening isn't passive—it's one of the most active and powerful communication tools you possess. It builds trust, creates connection, and demonstrates true leadership.

Begin Now

Next time you're in a conversation—pause. Tune in. Drop the internal monologue. And really listen.

You'll be amazed at what opens up when you stop trying to be heard... and start hearing.

Schedule a free discovery call to explore how we can transform your team's communication →