The improv guide to better listening

You've been there. A meeting where no one's actually listening – just waiting for their turn to speak. That's not communication. And it's all too common.

The reason it happens makes a lot of sense though; nobody wants to be caught without something to say if they're called upon. And if someone says something that sparks a thought in us, that's a good thing. But the willful clinging to that thought (instead of keeping track of the conversation) is the issue

In improv, we learn pretty quickly that listening is everything. If you're not listening to what's happening, your scene goes nowhere. In fact, pretty quickly you fail to have a scene at all.

Want to connect better, build trust faster, and make people feel truly heard? You've got to learn how to really listen. And we can take our cues from the world of improv to make the lessons sharper and shorter.

Listening is a Full-Body Sport

In my book TAKE IT EASY™, I say: "The only real thing you have in a scene is the onstage connection between you and your partner."

And that goes for real life too.

Real listening is physical. It's eye contact. It's leaning in. It's nodding, pausing, reacting in real time. If your body says "I'm elsewhere," by leaning away, closing down or watching the computer screen while someone else is talking, well then the words don't stand a chance.

And it's not just the words, of course. It's the whole suite of communications that come from our counterparts. The look away when saying something uncomfortable, the moment of anger when someone discounts their proposal, the quick smile when complimented.

This is where communication lives. Not just in the words, but in all the information that travels back and forth. We only need to pay attention, by being present, and our communication becomes enriched.

Coaching insight: Want to make someone feel deeply heard? Mirror their energy and their words. If they lean forward with excitement, match it. If they slow down to think, give them space. Your body often communicates more than your words ever will.

And when you respond, use some of their actual words. For example, "The thing is, I don't think the dam project is feasible. There are too many variables that we can't properly track."

A response could be something like, "You think the amount of variables will affect the feasibility of the project." You don't need to respond with an itemized list of variables, or anything else. The simple act of listening (and then showing that you've been listening) will strengthen the relationship, and leave space for your counterpart to fill in with more detail.

Don't Just Nod—Notice

We often think we're listening because we hear the words. But listening isn't hearing—it's absorbing. Noticing tone, subtext, body language.

When someone says, "I'm fine" but they've got their hands balled up into fists, we know that listening to the words isn't quite enough.

In a colleague's office, if she tells you, "We're excited about this initiative," but is checking her watch, you know that there's more going on here.

Your job as a communicator: Notice what's not being said. Or rather, notice how what's being said aligns with (or isn't aligned with) how the person is behaving.

Respond, Don't Reload

People often respond with pre-loaded thoughts. Whereas someone who is deeply present doesn't rely (as much) on these shorthands.

I see this in coaching sessions all the time. When I ask the client something, their response tells me everything.

I wasn't recently coaching an executive from an NGO, and when I asked her to tell me about her background and what brough her to this work, she responded with some chronological detail that even she wasn't listening to.

I rephrased the question and asked her again, and she started telling me some really interesting details from her quite fascinating life.

The difference? In the first she was just spooling out information. In the second, she was responding in the moment and communicating with me.

Coaching insight: If you feel like you're getting a stock answer, try saying:

"That's interesting tell me more." "How did you come to that conclusion?" "What part of this matters most to you?"

Gently pushing for more details unlock deeper conversation and signal that you're fully engaged with what's being shared, not just waiting for your turn.

Listening Builds Trust. Period.

Here's the thing: people don't remember what you said. They remember how you made them feel.

Listening well builds safety. It builds trust. And it shows leadership. True leadership doesn't always come from telling people what to do. It comes from staying present, listening intently, and responding to what the moment needs.

Begin Now

Next time you're in a conversation give yourself the space to listen, rather than preparing to respond. Tune in. Drop the internal monologue. And really listen. You'll be amazed at what opens up when you stop trying to be heard... and start hearing.